I have received a few emails from people who heard me in an interview last week saying how complicated it is to be a singer. I think I gave the wrong impression as everyone thinks I am ready to quit singing to take on producing full time.
It is difficult to be a singer, a professional singer at least. Aside from the economic risks along the way particularly at the start, the anxiety and the concern about the future, there is the ever present self doubt. I think every artist has some level of it lurking inside, ready to snatch away any single moments of joy that do come along the way.
I have reached a point in my career where I have managed to throw away all those doubts, to stop worrying and to be able to soak in not only what I have achieved but what I still aiming for.
Singing brings many gifts. I have toured the world, sung on the greatest of stages, met the rich, the famous which is more often than not an unpleasant experience, people who are living in absolute and chronic poverty in extreme circumstances who i've been able to help in a small way, I have faced people who have ripped me off and hundreds more who have built me up. I have sung in halls with no lighting or the worst sound systems. Bottom of the line is that I still love being a singer.
I probably could walk away now content with what I have achieved but I am not going to do that. I have never wanted to be famous, the complete opposite in fact. I have however, always wanted to be great and that is why I am not giving up and ......you are stuck with me.
This week Danny Boy will reach 3 million downloads on Youtube. I am astounded by this figure. I think of my first singing teacher and what she would have thought. I loved her. Sr. Mary Walsh. She was tiny but tough. I still use her techniques to this day. I hope wherever she is, there are choirs to conduct. She was the best and was a star in my childhood. I also think about Wexford and what the town means to me. I am Wexford, it made me. Its heart is in singing. The Theater Royal is now the Opera House but it will always be the place where I learned how to project, perform and persevere.
I will be heading home again soon for the Opera Festival. Wouldn't miss it.
So the future and to talk about it I have to look back. I learned a huge lesson last year. I was deceived and betrayed by people who I sacrificed everything for. I realised that I had , during that time put myself in 2nd place. Well, no more. I am back to being a singer and am focusing all my efforts on that for another few years. I will still produce and have several projects going but 2011 will center around my Public TV concert special. It is a huge challenge as I have no big management or record company helping me. That is actually a plus in my eyes. I get to make all the decisions. We start next week believe it or not. Heading to NYC to record some pieces with Steve Skinner. I am excited about the show which will be taped in LA area on March 19/20.
So anyway, thats my rant for now. I had to write down what I was feeling so there was no confusion. Thanks to everyone who emailed with the nice thoughts and concerns.
TO anyone who writes to me...I love you for it.